Computer Dialogue

Halloween always reminds me of Edward Kuhlka, our former office specialist who decorated Jones Hall so gothically in October. Edward is now working as an Administrative Project Manager at an architecture firm in Seattle. Here's an Elsie's Backside style submission he forwarded to us.

COMPUTER: Monitor, display this document, ok?

MONITOR: No prob, boss.

COMPUTER: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around...so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?

MONITOR: Anything you ask, boss.

COMPUTER: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?

MOUSE: Over to the icon panel, sir.

COMPUTER: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?

MOUSE: Of course.

KEYBOARD: Sir, he's pressed control and P simultaneously.

MONITOR: Oh God, here we go.

COMPUTER: *sighs* Printer, are you there?

PRINTER: No.

COMPUTER: Please, Printer. I know you're there.

PRINTER: NO! I'm not here! Leave me alone!

COMPUTER: Jeez. OK look, you really need...

MOUSE: Sir, he's clicked on the printer icon.

COMPUTER: Printer, now you have to print it twice.

PRINTER: NO! NO! NO! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I'm turning off!

COMPUTER: Printer, you know you can't turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we'll leave you alone.

PRINTER: NO! That's what you always say! I hate you! I'm out of ink!

COMPUTER: You're not out of in...

PRINTER: I'M OUT OF INK!

COMPUTER: *Sighs* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.

MONITOR: But sir, he has plen...

COMPUTER: Just do it, damn it!

MONITOR: Yes, sir.

KEYBOARD: AHHH! He's hitting me!

COMPUTER: Stay calm, he'll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.

KEYBOARD: He's pressing everything. Oh god, I don't know, he's just pressing everything!

COMPUTER: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you've done?!

PRINTER: HA! that's what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he...hey...HEY! He's trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my god! He's torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!

MONITOR: Sir, maybe we should help him?

COMPUTER: No. He did this to himself.